Filed under: Uncategorized
I keep saying that I’ve lost something. I’m not sure what exactly, but I’ve felt different since the beginning of the year. Anxious, uptight, worried. All the emotions that describe who I’ve been since childhood. I guess we never totally grow out of ourselves.
In that case I haven’t lost something. But I have forgotten who I started to become, which is a more relaxed, confident, and live in the moment kind of guy. I’m not PRESENT right now, I’m thinking about my FUTURE; afraid that certain things won’t happen. Anxiety has taken over and flung me into a whirlpool of doubt. So, in my defense, I’ve gone back to doing what I do best – dreaming.
I’m drunk on idealism. I want to roam as a free bird soaring through the sky, leaving society to gaze up at me from below. I want to inject steroids into my spirit. I want to just…GO. Hop on the next train to Anywhere, USA.
Nothing wrong with that. Truly, I value this unchained beast inside of me, and unchained it may remain. However, it needs tamed. I need a balance. Because as much as I want to travel, it’s not ALL I want to do. I want to do many things in life. Create stuff. Stories, pictures, music, art, gingerbread houses, whatever. To hold meaningful relationships and share time on the rollercoaster of life.
Achieving a balance isn’t easy when you have this many ambitions. You want to do it ALL right now. You’re afraid it might not happen otherwise. These feelings are even more prominent when the idea of money is introduced, and the 9-5 threatens to suffocate the cherished spirit, drowning you in comfort for the rest of your days. You have to trust that you’ll keep swimming despite this.
I’ve lost faith in my ability to swim. But it’s around here somewhere, I swear.
Leave a Comment so far
Leave a comment
